Hey there boys and Girls! Yup thats right. I am constipated and Bob is indeed your uncle. Its that time again where we here at The Shpitz give praise to the Duck of the week! Now if you dont follow my tweets, then you missed out on why Mallard Monday was canceled last week. Thankfully were back in full swing and ready to choose our lucky winner! Put on your leiderhosen , strap on your eye patches and get ready to make shit dig! ITS MALLARD MONDAY!

I cant tell how hard it is to pick just one of these Ducks. You would think that after this much time choosing a winner would be easy. Hell no. Son there is a time where every woman has to buckle up, grab their oatmeal rations and scream at the top of their lung “AWAY WITH YOU DEMONS!”. Now Grand-pappy Bo may have been drunk when he gave me this advice, but i stand by it. Its time that I do just that and pick this here winner. Now lets see. Aha , perfection. Since were on topic of me ol’ Grand Pa Bo, it seems fitting that i find someone who caries simmilar qualities to my dear forefather. Without further ado, I give you, the one, the only, Mr. Bo-jangles!

Oh Mr. Jangles,
how your bo brings the boat a rockin’
when the men are drunk
(stop)

There is no fire
that can quench your thirst oh mighty
star lit dragon
(stop)

I may be afraid of mama,
but dont make me kiss them socks
of yours
(Stop)

Rebel, Rebel are you
a boy? or one of them David Bowie things
(stop)

HEY. YOU. yeah you. over there, im quacking at you baby, nice beak if ya know what I am sayin yo.
I learned that off the street. call me Dr. Big Dicka D mary mc queen. Its my aunts name.
Im lovin it.

Along with the picture came this wonderful, eye opening experience that is a poem. It brings tears of joy to my eye. That right. One. You may be asking how someone of this stature can win such a prestigious award. I don’t know. You think i actually Work here? Mr. Bo, please, continue your hard work as a civil rights activist. with your witty brain maybe you can free the chickens your family long ago enslaved. Maybe then you can erase the generations of blood shed on your hands. Who knows, only Stefan can see into the future. There you have it ladies, some good ol’ home fried country chicken. Its finger licking good. Stay tuned next week for our next edition of mallard monday!

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