There is no introduction for such a terrible event. There is no way to put this lightly. The horrors that occurred this day will never be forgotten. Its been many years since that day. That dark, horrid day. I can remember it like yesterday. Memory fades with age, its true, but this will never be forgotten. This Will never be forgiven. Time cannot erase this…thing. I may wash my hands, but the blood never washes away. ITS MALLARD MONDAY!!!!
Its that time of week my little hermaphrodites. No no, were not getting the sex change. Its something better! Its that time of week where we pick out the duck of the week! This Duck will be praised by all for years to come! After he is elected duck of the week, he will go on to enter the great hall of Ducks! Where only the mightiest of mighty ducks can enter! Lets make like horseshit and smell some gas! Its Mallard Monday OMG. This weeks winner is J. P. Bigdika D. a.k.a Jerseys own Playa: Bigdika Duck.
This old fashioned playa, from Victorian era is no hata. He is the B shizzle knee for all yall bitches out there. Ya need a hook up, then he will send his Indian servant to serve you. Ya want some fish and chips? Done. You want some fried chicken? Bitch please, don’t even go there. They may be the retard cousin, but they still family. Even if you get tingly feelings when you look at them at the beach and she’s look damn fine in a swim suit. That’s right, this duck don’t play around. No crook can steal this fashionably feathered fellows style. He waddles with a purpose. Keep that chain low, and let it wobble to the flo hizzy, you da duck!
There you go mom. I told you I have friends! Come back next week for the next issue of Mallard Monday!
The Shpitz 