Loyal Shpitz readers, I have a terrible announcement to make. Earlier this evening our contributor and duck enthusiast, Tyler, was reported as missing. Nobody was in contact with him for weeks and when the police went to his house to investigate they found this note:

If you ever wanna see your friend again, you’ll stop puttin up those wannabes, those poor excuse for a duck “winners” on your site and finally chose a real bird, somebody duck enough to deserve the title of Mallard Monday! Oh and give us 100 loaves of bread! Oh, oh and can you kind of tear them up into little bite size pieces and sort of toss em to us as well? That’d be great.

Meet these demands or suffer the consequences!

The Police have one main suspect, however no other significant leads in the investigation have been made.

WANTED - Have you seen this duck?

His name is Plucker, is about 10 cm tall and has been seen hanging around the local quarry with his gang of hooligans.

Hooligans!!

If you have seen any of these ducks, or know the whereabouts of Plucker please call 555-548-6977. Please keep Tyler in your thoughts and prayers, and let us hope they find him soon.

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