Archive for June, 2010


Marvel has announced that Tommy Lee Jones will be joining the ever increasingly awesome cast of their upcoming movie Captain America. Tommy will be playing Col. Phillips who, for those of you unfamiliar with the comics, is the guy who recruits Steve Rogers (Captain America) to be a test subject in project Rebirth, which eventually transforms him into the shield wielding hero.

While I’m still skeptical about how Chris Evans’ performance as the Cap will turn out, having Tommy Lee Jones join in, alongside Stanley Tucci and Hugo Weaving (as friggin Red Skull), will hopefully make this movie great. That is if those three have a lot of screen time. Since it is an origin story I’d think that Tommy and Stanley’s roles will be slightly larger than they actually are in the comics and if that’s the case, they can easily help carry any scenes for Chris Evans if he starts to bomb. Can’t wait to see how this one turns out.

Monologue’n

Since there haven’t been any Descents the past two days because both Kyle and I have run out of funny (kind of) non sequiturs to jazz up our work days, I decided to come back to a series that I had abandoned here and talk about monologues!

It’s been a while since I’ve touched this segment. I’d like to blame it on the fact that my collection of plays is limited to crazy absurdist tragicomedies and Arthur Miller, but we all know the real reason is laziness. Thankfully I’m working now so my laziness takes a back seat to intense boredom and I come write about plays to keep myself entertained…if I had a lot of good plays to write about. Seeing as how I don’t, I’m going to talk about a movie today! Training Day directed by Antoine Fuqua to be more precise.

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Hulu-Hoop

terrible title

Me when I discovered Hulu
I apologize for the lackluster Descent post yesterday; I was occupied with a magical creature called Hulu. I found out only this afternoon that I am capable of watching videos on Hulu while at work! I have no idea why this is. Hulu (among other sites) has a frustrating NO WATCHING OUR CRAP OUTSIDE OF THE STATES policy, and consequently I’m a little more stretched for entertainment than my US-based friends. Discovering this warehouse of digital media was a little overwhelming at first. There is so much stuff to watch! I watched an episode of Modern Family, Glee, and the first few minutes of Dr. Strangelove without a problem. I didn’t have to hunt down a DVD or download anything via torrents (not that I would ever do that ever). Unfortunately this well of delights is only available at work. My thinking is that the American embassy is considered to be on American soil, and hence isn’t technically outside of the United States. I’m not sure, and I don’t dare investigate further for fear of jinxing my discovery. What baffles me further is that my work computer has neither Flash nor Java activated on it, so I have no idea how Hulu functions.

I don’t mean to turn this post into a “starving children in Africa would love to have this” deal, but it’s going that way. You bored folks in the states (with a decent internet speed) are incredibly well off. Pandora, Hulu, Netflix, and other US-exclusive services are enough to entertain you for half of your lifetime. Going back to the internet speed thing, most people in the States have a significantly better connection than a surprising amount of the rest of the world (or at least the entirety of Poland). I miss playing World of Warcraft with a ping of <300 milliseconds.

I think I’m done grumbling for now- oh look, Star Trek: First Contact. See you in two hours!

The Descent – Part VI

Will and I (that’s right, Kyle’s doing the writing now) are working in a summer hire program for most of vacation. The thing about being a summer hire is there really isn’t much for you to do. There aren’t a lot of jobs that summer hires are allowed, so most of the day is spent sitting at our computers waiting to be assigned a task. While it may at first not sound so bad, I mean getting paid to sit at a computer and do nothing sounds pretty easy right? Well, after eight hours of it a day you start to go a little….crazy.

So we decided to introduce a new segment to try to keep our spirits up, or at least our sanity intact. It’s called “The Descent” and documents our fall into madness through daily logs of our activities. We hope you enjoy reading through our suffering!

Kyle has been through a week and a half of work. I’ve been through a little over a month. It’s starting to have an effect on us. The Descents are getting stranger and stranger. Soon they will all just be naked pictures of Kyle. I’m tellin ya man. Naked. Pictures. Of Kyle.

So before things get that bad, get your read on with The Descent Part VI! Today is hump day (not nearly as exciting as it sounds) and the strain Kyle and Will feel is painfully obvious. In their least exciting, most disappointing Descent yet, they go through…well…really not a whole heck of a lot happens. Hopefully tomorrow will be a more exciting day.

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The Descent – Part V

Will and I (that’s right, Kyle’s doing the writing now) are working in a summer hire program for most of vacation. The thing about being a summer hire is there really isn’t much for you to do. There aren’t a lot of jobs that summer hires are allowed, so most of the day is spent sitting at our computers waiting to be assigned a task. While it may at first not sound so bad, I mean getting paid to sit at a computer and do nothing sounds pretty easy right? Well, after eight hours of it a day you start to go a little….crazy.

So we decided to introduce a new segment to try to keep our spirits up, or at least our sanity intact. It’s called “The Descent” and documents our fall into madness through daily logs of our activities. We hope you enjoy reading through our suffering!

Howdy and welcome to another addition of the web series that makes you feel so much better about your own lives, The Descent! I’m sorry to announce that today’s version is a little slow, Kyle was again in charge but he seriously dropped the ball. If you’re underwhelmed and disappointed in today’s entry please spam his email account repeatedly. Thank you and enjoy!

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CONCERNING DISNEY MOVIES

LISTEN UP YOU PERPETUALLY INCOMPETENT ASSHATS, TODAY WE’RE TALKING ABOUT FILMS MADE BY DISNEY

FOR OVER 70 YEARS DISNEY HAS BEEN CRANKING OUT THESE FLAWLESS HALLMARKS OF CINEMA. SERIOUSLY THEY HAVE AN ALMOST PERFECT TRACK RECORD (EXCLUDING THE PAST DECADE OR SO, THEY’VE HAD SOME LESS-THAN-STELLAR RELEASES).

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Amanda Bynes #Retires

She coulda been the next Meryl Streep.

Amanda Bynes, star of such innovating films as She’s the Man, Sydney White and Big Fat Liar, announced her retirement from acting through her twitter account Monday.

“I’ve never written the movies & TV shows I’ve been apart of I’ve only acted like the characters the producers or directors wanted me to play. Being an actress isn’t as fun as it may seem. If I don’t love something anymore I stop doing it. I don’t love acting anymore so I’ve stopped doing it. I know 24 is a young age to retire but you heard it here first I’ve #retired.”

You know it’s true because of the hashtag. If Penelope Taynt is telling the truth, then The Easy A will be her last role in film and her part in Hair Spray will be her best one. She’ll always be Judge Trudy to me. Bring out the dancin’ lobstahs!

Will and I (that’s right, Kyle’s doing the writing now) are working in a summer hire program for most of vacation. The thing about being a summer hire is there really isn’t much for you to do. There aren’t a lot of jobs that summer hires are allowed, so most of the day is spent sitting at our computers waiting to be assigned a task. While it may at first not sound so bad, I mean getting paid to sit at a computer and do nothing sounds pretty easy right? Well, after eight hours of it a day you start to go a little….crazy.

So we decided to introduce a new segment to try to keep our spirits up, or at least our sanity intact. It’s called “The Descent” and documents our fall into madness through daily logs of our activities. We hope you enjoy reading through our suffering!

Heya everybody and welcome to the fourth installment of The Descent! With Kyle behind the wheel of what is easily our longest and craziest work log yet, we go through a day full of desk upgrades, manticore fighting, christopher walken quoting, Will slaying action! Read up and enjoy, our pain is your pleasure!

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MALEFICENT MONDAY

HELLLLLLL YES

BALLIN'

Maleficent Monday:

ALRIGHT YOU VERMINOUS SWINE. THAT’S RIGHT, YOU ARE SIMULTANEOUSLY VERMIN-LIKE AND SWINE-LIKE. I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW YOU PULL IT OFF. DON’T ASK ME, I’M NOT THE VERMINOUS SWINE.

WHAT WAS I SAYING

OKAY SO TYLER IS BUSY BEING A SUCCESSFUL BITCH IN LIFE, GRADUATING AND CRAP

GOD ONLY KNOWS

SO HE’S OUT OF COMMISSION FOR A WHILE. SO THE OTHER EDITORS WERE LIKE CRAP WE NEED TO THINK OF ANOTHER WORD THAT STARTS WITH ‘M’

AND THERE’S ONLY ABOUT A THOUSAND YOU GODDAMN IDIOTS

BUT THEY PICKED ME, BECAUSE IT’S NOT LIKE I AM TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD, NO WAY. I GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO DO THIS

SO I WAS AN ENGLISH MAJOR IN MY YOUTH, BELIEVE IT OR NOT

I WAS FLUENT IN JUST ABOUT EVERY LANGUAGE, SINCE I WAS IMMORTAL AND HAD A WHOLE GODDAMN PILE OF TIME ON MY HANDS

WHICH LEAVES ME TO WONDER HOW I WAS EVER YOUTHFUL

ANYWAY

SO YEAH YOU’VE GOT THE TERM ‘MALLARD’ AND IN IT, ‘MAL’

THIS MEANS ‘BAD’ IN A LOT OF THE ROMANCE LANGUAGES (FRENCH, SPANISH, ITALIAN, ETC.)

SO, LOGICALLY, THIS MEANS THAT DUCKS ARE EVIL

WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE SERIOUSLY DUCKS ARE KICKASS, IT’S AWESOME THAT THEY’RE ON MY SIDE. I BET THEY’RE CHILL AS HELL AND ARE TOTALLY DOWN WITH SOME WORLD DOMINATION

KIND OF OXYMORONIC, SINCE THE HELL AS DESCRIBED BY CHRISTIANS IS A VERY HOT PLACE

OKAY LET’S ASSUME I’M REFERRING TO THE NORSE HEL, WHICH IS ACTUALLY FRIGID AS SHIT

I DON’T KNOW WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS. I’M A FICTION WRITER, NOT A JOURNALIST, JEGUS CHRIST

OKAY SO IN CONCLUSION

DUCKS: SWEET

EVERYTHING ELSE: DIE IN A FIRE PLEASE AND THANK YOU

ALRIGHT

MALEFICENT OUT

NSFDP – Aqua Phobia Post

NSFDP — Not So Focused Discussion Point
Aqua Phobia edition

This is basically what I do everyday: internal monologues that come out into the world and should really just be stuffed back into my brain and never let out again–youshouldplaypsychonauts. This new-ish segment that I–MissyAnya–have is just me being me and talking about weird crap. Some stuff will be girly and some stuff will be so dude-like you’d swear I was Ky-wait…Wi-…. ….there’s no dudes like that on The Shpitz…so, I’ll just be really dude-like. It’s not exactly on point all the time, but who cares: it’s a blog.

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