It’s summer time. School is over, the sun is shining and the tank is clean. It’s a time where everyone sits at home on their couch or on some tropical beach relaxing. Well, maybe not everyone. Kyle and I are working in a summer hire program for most of vacation (I just finished about a month of work and today was Kyle’s third day). The thing about being a summer hire is there really isn’t much for you to do. There aren’t a lot of jobs that summer hires are allowed, so most of the day is spent sitting at our computers waiting to be assigned a task. While it may at first not sound so bad, I mean getting paid to sit at a computer and do nothing sounds pretty easy right? Well, after eight hours of it a day you start to go a little….crazy.

So today we decided to introduce a new segment to try and keep our spirits up, or at least our sanity intact. It’s called “The Descent” and documents our fall into madness through daily logs of our activities. We hope you enjoy reading through our suffering!

Will & Kyle’s Work Log Part 1

7:50-Will arrives at work

7:52- Will checks email, nothing to report

7:53-Will stares at wall and begins counting paint bubbles. Gets to 15 then checks email again.

7:55-Kyle arrives also begins counting paint bubbles.

7:59-Will makes work log.

8:01-Will and Kyle laugh at work log. Realize how depressing it is then take a moment to reflect on their lives. They cry deeply.

8:02-Will checks email.

8:06-They fantasize about Asian wives.

8:09-Will tries to log into Microsoft communicator.

8:11-He fails.

8:16- Will fondles scissors.

8:17- Will opens pencil cases. Kyle decides to update log.

8:18- Kyle becomes enraged that Microsoft Word thinks that ‘Will’ is not a proper noun. Goes on murderous rampage.

8:18- Calms down.

8:21-Will & Kyle look at E3 videos on Giantbomb. Internet is too slow to watch their live stream discussion. Will is sad.

8:37-Will checks email.

8:42-Many emails later Will is still unable to log into the site where he gets his security clearance. Frustrating…

9:00-After gratuitous bathroom break, Will is about to begin mundane task #1. Kyle observes.

9:02-Scratch that, fudged up password. Locked out of inventory for 30 minutes. Kyle is croaking.

9:06-Kyle & Will made Blackberries (the phone, not the fruit) out of Styrofoam.

9:08-They called each other on said Blackberries. Hilarity ensued.

9:10-They went to their separate computers to pretend to look busy.

9:50-Assigned first actual task of day, packing stuff in pencil cases.

9:56-Finished task. Victory.

10:20-Successfully had pictures taken. Kyle is hungry.

10:26-Will realized today was only Wednesday. He punched Kyle.

10:29-Will begins filling out form. Kyle reads.

10:43-The form was too confusing so they switched gears to Wikipedia. They went from puns to Hitler in under ten clicks.

10:46-It is only 10:46. How is it only 10:46?!

11:09-After reading the forums on Giantbomb Will & Kyle feel better about their lives for a moment. Only a moment.

11:31-After a successful round of inventory, Will finds himself task-less once again. Kyle goes to the commissary to buy Pop-Tarts.

11:32-Will checks email. Nothing.

11:33-Will begins staring at the ceiling.

11:40-Kyle returns Pop-Tartless. He joins in on the ceiling staring revelry.

11:55-Enough staring for now, lunch time.

12:41-Commissary trip and lunch complete. The fun continues, this time with Nutter Butters.

12:48-Will & Kyle are singing Spanish Flea.

1:12-Kyle and Will spent the last 20 minutes trying to find someone who ISN’T related to Kevin Bacon. There are like 12 people on EARTH

1:13-Hitler is not one of them.

1:59-Inspiration hits. Kyle is sent to Hospital. Inspiration is sent to jail for 20 years.

2:00-On an unrelated note, Kyle & Will are going to be the first to create a live action Pokemon movie.

3:09-More than an hour has passed. Literally nothing has happened. We’re in the same spots we were at 2 and 12 and 7:55. Help us. Please, please help us.

3:11-Ricky ticky tick tick. RING! Ring a ding ding ring a ding ding! Rick a dick dick rick a dick rick! Ringa Dinga ding ding dong!

3:21-If there is a Hell its like this.

3:27-Kyle steals Will’s cookie.

3:29-After a two minute stare off Will tries stabbing Kyle with scissors.

3:30-Kyle successfully round house kicks Will in the head.

3:31-Will retaliates with a swift right jab to the jaw.

3:32-They both pull out their lightsabers and a battle of epic proportions begins complete with matching dramatic theme music, performed by Will and Kyle.

3:34-Will checks email.

3:37-Kyle is rocking back and forth muttering Latin phrases.

3:39-Will is forced to clean up after lightsaber battle. There were 7 casualties.

3:40-Kyle contemplates the meaning of life. Is this as good as it gets? Is this all life is after school is done? Monotonous, pointless tasks that devour all sense of creativity and individuality? Is there no way to escape this?

3:41-Will gets his hand stuck in printer.

3:40- Accidental time anomaly sends us back in time one minute. Crap.

3:41-Will gets his hand stuck in printer.

3:50-It’s almost time for Will to go home. He wets himself in excitement. He feels relieved.

3:56-Kyle tries jumping out of window.

3:57-Window was locked. He walks back in shame.

4:00-Will is going home, he dances. Kyle stays, he cries.

4:15-Kyle discovers the secret of the universe in his desk drawer.

4:16-Kyle realizes it was all an illusion brought about by a Nutter Butter induced high.

4:45-Kyle arm wrestles with himself.

5:00-Time to go home!

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