Kyle and I are working in a summer hire program for most of vacation. The thing about being a summer hire is there really isn’t much for you to do. There aren’t a lot of jobs that summer hires are allowed, so most of the day is spent sitting at our computers waiting to be assigned a task. While it may at first not sound so bad, I mean getting paid to sit at a computer and do nothing sounds pretty easy right? Well, after eight hours of it a day you start to go a little….crazy.

So we decided to introduce a new segment to try to keep our spirits up, or at least our sanity intact. It’s called “The Descent” and documents our fall into madness through daily logs of our activities. We hope you enjoy reading through our suffering!

Today is the third installment in “The Descent”! Kyle and Will have what might be called their most productive day full of screenplay writing, forum post reading, ninja killing, fire breathing action. Check it out and enjoy!

Will & Kyle’s Work Log Part III

7:56-Will arrives to work and checks email. It’s as if he never left.

8:00-Kyle arrives with back pain.

8:09-They look at their blog stats and scream racial epithets at the water cooler.

8:13-Kyle blows his nose.

8:14-They smack talk the deaf. Fortunately they can’t hear us. ZING!

8:19-Kyle broke the desk. The deaf are very unhappy with him.

8:20-Will is shouting. Shouting out loud!

8:23-Will put the mouse in a pencil case and it still worked. This resulted in a solid minute of entertainment.

8:25-Sir Ian, Sir Ian, Sir Ian, WIZARD YOU SHALL NOT PASS-cut, Sir Ian, Sir Ian, Sir Ian.

8:26-Will is now wearing the pencil cases as power bracelets. Today is going to be a LOOOONG day.

8:34-Bambi 3 starring Kevin Bacon, Christopher Walken and Joseph Stalin. Bambi is sent to New York during a thunder storm with a blue moon and is transformed into an actual deer by the magical powers of Stalin. Most of this plot was taken from the Smurfs movie. Seriously.

8:43-Still can’t find a friggin person that isn’t linked to Kevin Bacon! GRAWR!

8:49-They fantasize about Gerard Butler in Gamer. Also, Kyle is rapping.

8:54-I HAVE TO RETURN SOME VIDEOTAPES!

9:00-Only IMDB can have a discussion about the political message behind Gamer.

9:06-New favorite website: http://stuffblackpeopledig.wordpress.com/

9:10-I think you have too many shoes SHUT UP I think you have too many shoes SHUT UP

9:11-Kyle has been repeating that since 8:30. Also, he’s in the fetal position on the printer.

9:45-Spent the last half hour reading the most epic, amazing thread on IMDb. We are going to turn it into a film. It will win all the Oscars. Word to the mutha!

11:20-It’s difficult to explain what has happened. Kyle and Will began working on transforming the IMDb thread into a film, but were interrupted to go and organize cables. While organizing there was lots of goggle wearing, mouse throwing, scissor lobbing, goat groping and long, lonely stares into the wall. Kyle got into a fight with some dust bunnies, Will tortured a piece of paper, complete with evil monologue and laugh.

11:22-Kyle is so dreamy.

11:34-Kyle and will finished their movie, they begin shooting later. After their soiree in Hollywood. Ciao!

11:40-Will starts making father’s day card. Kyle sweats nervously as he remembers father’s day is Sunday.

12:00-Will goes to Mexican restaurant for lunch. Kyle stays behind to guard the gold.

12:01-Oh yeah, we found gold.

12:25-Kyle laments the insignificance of humanity.

12:27-Kyle meets a fly.

12:35-Kyle fights off ninjas. Loses arm. Grows new one.

12:37-Kyle just found out new arm is prone to slapping people. Boss is furious.

12:40-Kyle names fly Adam.

12:52-Kyle forgets how to breathe.

1:00-Will returns. Teaches Kyle how to breathe again.

1:04-time for commissary to buy celebratory Pop-Tarts!

1:09-We didn’t go to the commissary…

1:17-Will looks up at ceiling and breathes fire.

1:45-Will and Kyle have a three-legged race down the hallway.

1:46-They lose to Adam.

2:00-They go to commissary. No, really they do this time.

2:15-Pop-Tarts!!

2:50-Kyle and Will did their first read through of the most amazing film ever to be written.

3:10-Kyle is going to go home and play rock band until he sweats blood. That shouldn’t be long.

3:42-Been watchin rock band videos.

3:46-we pretend to be heroin addicts.

September 15, 2022. A decrepit apartment in New Jersey. 7:30AM-we wake up; we ARE heroin addicts!

3:54-Kyle is whispering to his root beer can.

3:56-Kyle begins licking root beer can.

4:00-Will goes home and leaves Kyle and his root beer can alone.

4:05-Kyle goes on long romantic walk with root beer can.

4:10-They get married, have three little root beer can kids.

4:15-Relationship begins wearing thin, with all the pressure of raising children and bringing home money to support his family, Kyle’s stress level goes through the roof.

4:18-Kyle begins feeling like less of a man, unable to support his family and bored by the monotonous routine of his life, he contemplates suicide.

4:20-Kyle fills the vacant hole in his life with Dominatrix practices and begins paying prostitutes to choke him and stab him with a hot poker. He feels alive again.

4:24-Root beer can finds out and after a long, heart wrenching discussion they decide it’s time they go their separate ways.

4:30-Kyle goes home.

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