LISTEN UP YOU PERPETUALLY INCOMPETENT ASSHATS, TODAY WE’RE TALKING ABOUT FILMS MADE BY DISNEY

FOR OVER 70 YEARS DISNEY HAS BEEN CRANKING OUT THESE FLAWLESS HALLMARKS OF CINEMA. SERIOUSLY THEY HAVE AN ALMOST PERFECT TRACK RECORD (EXCLUDING THE PAST DECADE OR SO, THEY’VE HAD SOME LESS-THAN-STELLAR RELEASES).

STARTING IN 1937 WITH “SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARVES” DISNEY HAS CONSTRUCTED ALMOST 40 ANIMATED MOVIES, EACH WITH THEIR OWN ARTISTIC AND STORY-TELLING MERITS. “SNOW WHITE” WAS THE FIRST FULLY CEL-SHADED FILM, A LANDMARK IN ANIMATION.

THREE YEARS LATER THEY MADE PINOCCHIO, AND DUMBO A YEAR LATER. IN THE DECADES TO COME THEY WOULD COLLABORATE WITH PIXAR, AND WOULD CREATE CLASSICS LIKE “TOY STORY” AND “A BUG’S LIFE”

ALRIGHT DONE WITH THE HISTORY LESSON

IN MY OPINION THEIR GOLDEN AGE WAS THE EARLY TO LATE 1990s, WHICH HAD OUTSTANDING MOVIES LIKE THE LION KING AND HERCULES.

OF COURSE THE 1950s WEREN’T BAD EITHER, AS IT HAD THE BEST MOVIE TO EVER GRACE THE PATHETIC OCULAR NERVE ENDINGS OF HUMANITY (I AM REFERENCING SLEEPING BEAUTY).

GODDAMN THAT MOVIE HAD A GOOD ANTAGONIST

NOW, YOU BARELY CONSCIOUS PILES OF ENTROPY, I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT YOUR FAVORITE DISNEY MOVIE WAS. NOT BECAUSE I CARE, BUT IF YOU CHOOSE RIGHT I MIGHT DECIDE TO PROLONG YOUR EXISTENCE ANOTHER FEW MEANINGLESS MOMENTS. LEAVE YOUR ANSWERS IN THE COMMENT SECTION BELOW

MALEFICENT OUT

P.S. MESSAGE TO THE EDITOR: FUCK YOU IT’S “DWARVES”, ‘DWARFS’ MAKES NO SENSE IN THAT CONTEXT. DWARFS IMPLIES “MINISCULE IN COMPARISON”, WHEREAS DWARVES IS THE PLURAL OF “DWARF”. I DON’T LOVE DISNEY FOR THEIR GRAMMAR.

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