Will and I (that’s right, Kyle’s doing the writing now) are working in a summer hire program for most of vacation. The thing about being a summer hire is there really isn’t much for you to do. There aren’t a lot of jobs that summer hires are allowed, so most of the day is spent sitting at our computers waiting to be assigned a task. While it may at first not sound so bad, I mean getting paid to sit at a computer and do nothing sounds pretty easy right? Well, after eight hours of it a day you start to go a little….crazy.

So we decided to introduce a new segment to try to keep our spirits up, or at least our sanity intact. It’s called “The Descent” and documents our fall into madness through daily logs of our activities. We hope you enjoy reading through our suffering!

Howdy and welcome to another addition of the web series that makes you feel so much better about your own lives, The Descent! I’m sorry to announce that today’s version is a little slow, Kyle was again in charge but he seriously dropped the ball. If you’re underwhelmed and disappointed in today’s entry please spam his email account repeatedly. Thank you and enjoy!

The Descent Part V

7:55-Will rolls into work. Literally, he tripped on his shoelace and did a tumble into the office.

8:00-email checked. Checked again. Checked a third time. Nobody loves me.

8:05-All Will’s internet sites have been checked and read, there really isn’t anything left for him to do. Kyle still hasn’t arrived.

8:10-Kyle still is nowhere to be seen, Will begins fearing the worst. What if he got terribly sick from all the Nutty Bars he ate yesterday? Was he kidnapped by an enraged Nicolas Cage on his way to work? Could he have been cornered by a bear and, after a long Hercules in New York-esque battle, been eaten alive? Whatever the reason that jerk isn’t here yet meaning I’m all alone. CRAP.

8:12-Ok, SCREW Kyle! Who needs him?! It’s not like I can’t manage without him or anything. I can do just FINE!

8:13-I miss Kyle so much. His hair. His musk. The high pitched squealing he makes everytime I punch him. Maybe I did something wrong…maybe he’s mad at me. I need to find him and apologize! I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE! KYYYYYYYYYYYYLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

8:14-Will ate Kyle’s snacks.

8:15-I’ll find you Kyle! You can count on me!

8:20-Kyle was not hiding in the printer, under the trashcan or inside the shredder.

8:21-Oh, Will no longer has a right hand.

8:26-After a good 6 minutes of searching, Will gives up looking for Kyle. He has no purpose. He stares at the sharp, rusty pair of scissors on his desk.

8:31-Like a bolt from the blue, Kyle appears, plastic guitar in hand. Re-enacting that one scene from Con Air, Kyle hands the guitar to the little girl Will.

8:32-Kyle takes over control of the Descent in a hostile takeover.

8:39-Purell.

8:40-yesssss it’s 8:40 we’ve already gotten through 40 minutes

8:40-Will was worried sick.

8:41-CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY

8:41-e-score more like gay-score

8:43-Amanda likes black men. Millions of black men around the world rejoice.

8:45-Kyle is tired and grumpy so there will be significantly less time travel today

8:46-THIS BOY’S LIFE AMONG THE ELECTRICAL LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTS (repeat until fade)

8:47-we might do inventory-related activities

8:47-hahahaha who am I kidding

8:48-no one said the future was rated PG dogggggggggg

8:50-looks like the glove is on the other foot

8:50-Will begins to look constipated, then starts to float a few inches above the ground.

8:51-Will just exploded. I’m probably going to have to clean that up now. Thanks a lot, jerk

9:00-Kyle’s just kind of tired and doesn’t have much to say. Maybe when sleep deprivation kicks in the crazy things will start coming out of the woodworks

9:00-THERE ARE THINGS INSIDE THE WAAAAALLS

9:13-Will is so sleepy. We should just

9:13- crawl into bed

9:13-together

9:13-forever

9:17-Kyle posits that today is going to be an extraordinarily long day. Will snores in response.

10:26-What an exciting hour! We took more inventory, and Maleficent just told us that she now has a twitter. She’s kind of scary http://www.twitter.com/MaleficentDRAGO

11:01-hooray for paperwork mishaps

11:01-oh jeez 11:01, today really picked up speed

11:11-MAKE A WISH

11:12-my wish was that it would become 4:30PM magically

11:33-almost lunch, Will is actually working

11:34 http://www.cord.edu/faculty/andersod/escher_relativity.jpg fascinating

12:39-is lunch here yet

12:39-this is not a terribly interesting Descent so far, I apologize

12:40-WE’RE SO TIE-UHD

1:09-okay so something happened with the times

1:09- we got back from lunch 20 minutes ago, it was pretty tasty

1:09-Will was pretty delicious

1:09-bum tss bum tss bum tss bum tss bum tss bum tss bum tss bum tss

1:10-I have ingested a can of root beer, two packages of nutty bars, and a college freshman in the past 24 hours. FULL

1:10-Little Debbie is watching me

1:10-MY PARENTS ARE DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD MLIB

1:22-Will looks angry. And pregnant. And possibly an android

2:24-im a slakker

2:24-it’s Tuesday, I thought it was Monday! Yeeeey

2:24-Maleficent is yelling at random people en Le Twittre.

2:35-I just remembered that I had brought a whole thing of chicken to work with me, for lunch. I only now remembered.

4:00-BRIAN COOK?

4:00-Ladies and gentlemen, I present: the worst Descent yet!

4:00-Will goes home. Kyle contemplates Nutty Bars.

4:00-That is it. That is IT. I have had enough of this Root Beer’s crap. It will not stop TALKING. If it says anything else – word one – I will kill myself. And when my tainted spirit finds its destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for the root beer this fear engine will bore a hole between this world and that one.

4:00-When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming – as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin.

4:00- I will open one of my six mouths and sing the song that ends the Earth.

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