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The Descent – Part V

Will and I (that’s right, Kyle’s doing the writing now) are working in a summer hire program for most of vacation. The thing about being a summer hire is there really isn’t much for you to do. There aren’t a lot of jobs that summer hires are allowed, so most of the day is spent sitting at our computers waiting to be assigned a task. While it may at first not sound so bad, I mean getting paid to sit at a computer and do nothing sounds pretty easy right? Well, after eight hours of it a day you start to go a little….crazy.

So we decided to introduce a new segment to try to keep our spirits up, or at least our sanity intact. It’s called “The Descent” and documents our fall into madness through daily logs of our activities. We hope you enjoy reading through our suffering!

Howdy and welcome to another addition of the web series that makes you feel so much better about your own lives, The Descent! I’m sorry to announce that today’s version is a little slow, Kyle was again in charge but he seriously dropped the ball. If you’re underwhelmed and disappointed in today’s entry please spam his email account repeatedly. Thank you and enjoy!

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CONCERNING DISNEY MOVIES

LISTEN UP YOU PERPETUALLY INCOMPETENT ASSHATS, TODAY WE’RE TALKING ABOUT FILMS MADE BY DISNEY

FOR OVER 70 YEARS DISNEY HAS BEEN CRANKING OUT THESE FLAWLESS HALLMARKS OF CINEMA. SERIOUSLY THEY HAVE AN ALMOST PERFECT TRACK RECORD (EXCLUDING THE PAST DECADE OR SO, THEY’VE HAD SOME LESS-THAN-STELLAR RELEASES).

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Amanda Bynes #Retires

She coulda been the next Meryl Streep.

Amanda Bynes, star of such innovating films as She’s the Man, Sydney White and Big Fat Liar, announced her retirement from acting through her twitter account Monday.

“I’ve never written the movies & TV shows I’ve been apart of I’ve only acted like the characters the producers or directors wanted me to play. Being an actress isn’t as fun as it may seem. If I don’t love something anymore I stop doing it. I don’t love acting anymore so I’ve stopped doing it. I know 24 is a young age to retire but you heard it here first I’ve #retired.”

You know it’s true because of the hashtag. If Penelope Taynt is telling the truth, then The Easy A will be her last role in film and her part in Hair Spray will be her best one. She’ll always be Judge Trudy to me. Bring out the dancin’ lobstahs!

Will and I (that’s right, Kyle’s doing the writing now) are working in a summer hire program for most of vacation. The thing about being a summer hire is there really isn’t much for you to do. There aren’t a lot of jobs that summer hires are allowed, so most of the day is spent sitting at our computers waiting to be assigned a task. While it may at first not sound so bad, I mean getting paid to sit at a computer and do nothing sounds pretty easy right? Well, after eight hours of it a day you start to go a little….crazy.

So we decided to introduce a new segment to try to keep our spirits up, or at least our sanity intact. It’s called “The Descent” and documents our fall into madness through daily logs of our activities. We hope you enjoy reading through our suffering!

Heya everybody and welcome to the fourth installment of The Descent! With Kyle behind the wheel of what is easily our longest and craziest work log yet, we go through a day full of desk upgrades, manticore fighting, christopher walken quoting, Will slaying action! Read up and enjoy, our pain is your pleasure!

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MALEFICENT MONDAY

HELLLLLLL YES

BALLIN'

Maleficent Monday:

ALRIGHT YOU VERMINOUS SWINE. THAT’S RIGHT, YOU ARE SIMULTANEOUSLY VERMIN-LIKE AND SWINE-LIKE. I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW YOU PULL IT OFF. DON’T ASK ME, I’M NOT THE VERMINOUS SWINE.

WHAT WAS I SAYING

OKAY SO TYLER IS BUSY BEING A SUCCESSFUL BITCH IN LIFE, GRADUATING AND CRAP

GOD ONLY KNOWS

SO HE’S OUT OF COMMISSION FOR A WHILE. SO THE OTHER EDITORS WERE LIKE CRAP WE NEED TO THINK OF ANOTHER WORD THAT STARTS WITH ‘M’

AND THERE’S ONLY ABOUT A THOUSAND YOU GODDAMN IDIOTS

BUT THEY PICKED ME, BECAUSE IT’S NOT LIKE I AM TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD, NO WAY. I GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO DO THIS

SO I WAS AN ENGLISH MAJOR IN MY YOUTH, BELIEVE IT OR NOT

I WAS FLUENT IN JUST ABOUT EVERY LANGUAGE, SINCE I WAS IMMORTAL AND HAD A WHOLE GODDAMN PILE OF TIME ON MY HANDS

WHICH LEAVES ME TO WONDER HOW I WAS EVER YOUTHFUL

ANYWAY

SO YEAH YOU’VE GOT THE TERM ‘MALLARD’ AND IN IT, ‘MAL’

THIS MEANS ‘BAD’ IN A LOT OF THE ROMANCE LANGUAGES (FRENCH, SPANISH, ITALIAN, ETC.)

SO, LOGICALLY, THIS MEANS THAT DUCKS ARE EVIL

WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE SERIOUSLY DUCKS ARE KICKASS, IT’S AWESOME THAT THEY’RE ON MY SIDE. I BET THEY’RE CHILL AS HELL AND ARE TOTALLY DOWN WITH SOME WORLD DOMINATION

KIND OF OXYMORONIC, SINCE THE HELL AS DESCRIBED BY CHRISTIANS IS A VERY HOT PLACE

OKAY LET’S ASSUME I’M REFERRING TO THE NORSE HEL, WHICH IS ACTUALLY FRIGID AS SHIT

I DON’T KNOW WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS. I’M A FICTION WRITER, NOT A JOURNALIST, JEGUS CHRIST

OKAY SO IN CONCLUSION

DUCKS: SWEET

EVERYTHING ELSE: DIE IN A FIRE PLEASE AND THANK YOU

ALRIGHT

MALEFICENT OUT

NSFDP – Aqua Phobia Post

NSFDP — Not So Focused Discussion Point
Aqua Phobia edition

This is basically what I do everyday: internal monologues that come out into the world and should really just be stuffed back into my brain and never let out again–youshouldplaypsychonauts. This new-ish segment that I–MissyAnya–have is just me being me and talking about weird crap. Some stuff will be girly and some stuff will be so dude-like you’d swear I was Ky-wait…Wi-…. ….there’s no dudes like that on The Shpitz…so, I’ll just be really dude-like. It’s not exactly on point all the time, but who cares: it’s a blog.

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The Descent – Part III

Kyle and I are working in a summer hire program for most of vacation. The thing about being a summer hire is there really isn’t much for you to do. There aren’t a lot of jobs that summer hires are allowed, so most of the day is spent sitting at our computers waiting to be assigned a task. While it may at first not sound so bad, I mean getting paid to sit at a computer and do nothing sounds pretty easy right? Well, after eight hours of it a day you start to go a little….crazy.

So we decided to introduce a new segment to try to keep our spirits up, or at least our sanity intact. It’s called “The Descent” and documents our fall into madness through daily logs of our activities. We hope you enjoy reading through our suffering!

Today is the third installment in “The Descent”! Kyle and Will have what might be called their most productive day full of screenplay writing, forum post reading, ninja killing, fire breathing action. Check it out and enjoy!

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The Descent – Part II

Kyle and I are working in a summer hire program for most of vacation. The thing about being a summer hire is there really isn’t much for you to do. There aren’t a lot of jobs that summer hires are allowed, so most of the day is spent sitting at our computers waiting to be assigned a task. While it may at first not sound so bad, I mean getting paid to sit at a computer and do nothing sounds pretty easy right? Well, after eight hours of it a day you start to go a little….crazy.

So we decided to introduce a new segment to try to keep our spirits up, or at least our sanity intact. It’s called “The Descent” and documents our fall into madness through daily logs of our activities. We hope you enjoy reading through our suffering!

Today is part deuce of the epic series, “The Descent”. What crazy shenanigans will the dynamic duo find themselves in this time? Well, there’s a lot of sitting. A whole lot of sitting. Click more to see the daily log!

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Let’s talk about lists

I’ve just moved to a new house. Not really new…my sister lives here…she’s lived here for a while…according the market, it’s quite new though. Just two years old. It’s a new house in the market sense….and to me…but not to my sister…anyway! My family moved houses (except my sister…which just leaves my parents and me). Adjusting to a new house is not a new concept (new new new new new new new new new new new new new new) what is new is the amount of crap in the house that I have no clue about!

I’m pretty much full OCD without being diagnosed because it just comes off as natural. If you’ve seen The Big Bang Theory…I’m Sheldon. I have a morning routine and a nightly routine. I have a timer in my bathroom to time how long showers take, to time how long I brush my teeth (it should always be at least 2:30–let that be a lesson to the reader), how long I wash my face after the shower or before bed. I have a list of the things I need to complete before bed.

I have a compulsive need to make lists. Guess what has just started to come together in a totally random post? List making. I’m just now thinking of what I’m writing…it does not sound interesting at all…maybe I’ll just stop now.

Here’s one list:

1. Wake up and stretch out limbs for at least 8 minutes.
2. Get towel from linen closet and take a shower using a timer and timing the shower at under 8 minutes.
3. Once out of shower, brush through hair. 3 minutes.
4. Put in contacts. 1-2 minutes.
5. Brush teeth. 3 minutes.
6. Mouthwash. 1 minute.
7. Change into clothes that were laid out the night before. 4 minutes.
8. Have breakfast. max. 20 minutes.
9. Do whatever the hell is on the next list. N/A time.

What I’m getting to is: I’m compulsive. This house is new. I just wanted to post on The Shpitz. I need a life.

Check out Twitter. Bye.

The Descent – Part I

It’s summer time. School is over, the sun is shining and the tank is clean. It’s a time where everyone sits at home on their couch or on some tropical beach relaxing. Well, maybe not everyone. Kyle and I are working in a summer hire program for most of vacation (I just finished about a month of work and today was Kyle’s third day). The thing about being a summer hire is there really isn’t much for you to do. There aren’t a lot of jobs that summer hires are allowed, so most of the day is spent sitting at our computers waiting to be assigned a task. While it may at first not sound so bad, I mean getting paid to sit at a computer and do nothing sounds pretty easy right? Well, after eight hours of it a day you start to go a little….crazy.

So today we decided to introduce a new segment to try and keep our spirits up, or at least our sanity intact. It’s called “The Descent” and documents our fall into madness through daily logs of our activities. We hope you enjoy reading through our suffering!

View full article »