Hey there kids!

Its our favorite time of the week! Yup thats right, damn straight you heard me right you little shit, its Mallard Monday! Wait? do you hear that in the wind? Anyway, this is the first of The Shpitz’s brand new series, Mallard Monday, where our board of very professional judges, who shall not be named, vote on the most prestigious duck of the week! Now you may be asking yourselves why exactly were doing this here at The Shpitz, so uncle Tyler will tell you. We feel that ducks are under appreciated, and that these magical drug dealing birds deserve our respect. Also we are being paid stupidly large amounts of money by the league of Anas platyrhynchos.  Thats Latin you ignorant little…fine, you win this time. Here we go, for now we give you our first DUCK OF THE WEEK. 

The Shpitz Presents


Bad Ass 4 life

Introducing our duck of the week,  B.J Schmegma, from the lower east side of the Bronx. After a long and arduous debate, our panel of judges decided to honor you B.J.

Today we salute you! you crazy child molesting duck,
You’ve given us the real American dream, the ability to breed cat and dogs, oh, we wont forget little jimmy there,
You push science to its limits with your eugenics movement, we wont see anymore of the ugly ducklings will we?
You’ve offered us freedom through mass slavery, and we wont forget your good ol’ home fried cooking, mmm, its finger licking good,
If there are chickens, you fight them, pigs, your bitches,cows, we wont go there,
Its time for you to honor yourself, Bad Ass 4 life, you’re the true american hero. 

There you have it world, tune in next week for our next Mallard Monday.