I am such a lucky duck. It’s so unreal. My life is like a weird painting. You know that one over there. I love it. You should too. Any way that is beside the point. It’s been a while since I’ve had a “proper”  pet. Sure i have a cat but they’re a bunch of assholes. They think they own you, and they like making you know that by shitting on your face in your sleep, and then scratching you so you get infected. I hate you Jeff. Its been a long journey, with many hardships along the way. Like rocks. large stone like rocks. The day i have been waiting for has finally come. My new friend just arrived in the mail. BEHOLD!

He's Smiling

This is Jimmy. He is a sea mouse. I just thought I should share with you guys, my fake friends, what a real one looks like. Now if you would kindly excuse me, were going to go soak in the tub together. Like friends do. Right Jeff?