Tag Archive: Random

Random Post

Due to a lack of posts recently, here’s one!

I have no idea what this is

Merr, these are bizzare


World’s Finest: Book

"My First Cavity Search" Picture Book

Sand Castles

Arn’t they like so dang cool?! Yeah.
Sand WomanThe sandcastle toys and molds are getting far more elaborate…and PG.
Sand FaceGRAH
Sand VaderVader chillin on the beach
Sand Bed


You’re welcome.

Best Present Ever

I am such a lucky duck. It’s so unreal. My life is like a weird painting. You know that one over there. I love it. You should too. Any way that is beside the point. It’s been a while since I’ve had a “proper”  pet. Sure i have a cat but they’re a bunch of assholes. They think they own you, and they like making you know that by shitting on your face in your sleep, and then scratching you so you get infected. I hate you Jeff. Its been a long journey, with many hardships along the way. Like rocks. large stone like rocks. The day i have been waiting for has finally come. My new friend just arrived in the mail. BEHOLD!

He's Smiling

This is Jimmy. He is a sea mouse. I just thought I should share with you guys, my fake friends, what a real one looks like. Now if you would kindly excuse me, were going to go soak in the tub together. Like friends do. Right Jeff?


Mallard Monday!

Hey there kids!

Its our favorite time of the week! Yup thats right, damn straight you heard me right you little shit, its Mallard Monday! Wait? do you hear that in the wind? Anyway, this is the first of The Shpitz’s brand new series, Mallard Monday, where our board of very professional judges, who shall not be named, vote on the most prestigious duck of the week! Now you may be asking yourselves why exactly were doing this here at The Shpitz, so uncle Tyler will tell you. We feel that ducks are under appreciated, and that these magical drug dealing birds deserve our respect. Also we are being paid stupidly large amounts of money by the league of Anas platyrhynchos.  Thats Latin you ignorant little…fine, you win this time. Here we go, for now we give you our first DUCK OF THE WEEK. 

The Shpitz Presents


Bad Ass 4 life

Introducing our duck of the week,  B.J Schmegma, from the lower east side of the Bronx. After a long and arduous debate, our panel of judges decided to honor you B.J.

Today we salute you! you crazy child molesting duck,
You’ve given us the real American dream, the ability to breed cat and dogs, oh, we wont forget little jimmy there,
You push science to its limits with your eugenics movement, we wont see anymore of the ugly ducklings will we?
You’ve offered us freedom through mass slavery, and we wont forget your good ol’ home fried cooking, mmm, its finger licking good,
If there are chickens, you fight them, pigs, your bitches,cows, we wont go there,
Its time for you to honor yourself, Bad Ass 4 life, you’re the true american hero. 

There you have it world, tune in next week for our next Mallard Monday. 



The following site contains graphic amounts of randomness, ducks and intense awesome. If you have weak constitutions or are just too sissy to bask in the greatness that is THE SHPITZ! click here.

Are they gone? Ok, good. WELCOME! This is a collaborative blog between three very intelligent, very sexy individuals. We’ll be posting everything from angry rants and random musings to photos of ducks and videos of kids being chased by chickens.

Take some time and waste it by stoppin by here regularly and checking out what we’ve got to say. Go on. Do it. You know you want to…